Requisite Post of the Month

Brace yourself, readers (and by readers I mean both of you) I am about to go all Carrie Bradshaw on you. Not totally Bradshaw, though. I'm not very good with puns, and due to my severely pronating feet, my ALDO stilettos still have the price sticker on the soles.

However, I do date. And live in a city. And have an open forum to write about it. So, that makes me Carrie Bradshaw. 

Recently, I've acquired a lavish dating life filled with men who own limos, financiers, sensitive furniture makers, politicians with urine fetishes....sorry, that's the real Carrie...a woman can dream, though. My actual dating life is a lot less Cosmopolitans and business suits and more Bud Lites and dockers, but the problems remain the same. My biggest problem mostly revolves around the issue of dinner.

What part of the dinner date perplexes me? Definitely not when it comes to the menu. I have no problem ordering something like a sloppy joe and eating it like a cavewoman. No, no. If a man can't accept me when I have brown sauce resembling poo on my face the date might as well end there because gross eating habits is one of my many charms. Many. Many charms.

The big problem lies with the check. 

I love a free dinner. I enjoy food so much more when I know someone else is paying for it. Usually on dates I allow my date to pay if he offers. Of course I put up a half-hearted fight. "Ohhh, are you suuuuure? Really, it's fine if you want to split it...I got two drink, lobster, and dessert-- I feel baaad...."

I don't really feel bad.

However, I have begun to realize that apparently men expect "things" if you let them pay for dinner. This was brought up to me recently by a boy (and the operative word here is 'boy') who after buying me dinner made some inappropriate advances on a second date. Perhaps they were appropriate advances for a Samantha Jones, but I, as previously stated, am a Carrie. After denying these advances, I was promptly called a tease.

This was perplexing. Last I checked I did not mention at any point in the evening, "Shall we move forward with some feverish love making?" So, I was confused as to how he was under the impression that dessert was to be served bedside. And then I realized:

He bought me dinner! So, clearly there is no such thing a gentleman anymore. Apparently, some men find women to be less than prostitutes. Prostitutes get cash, whilst women are supposed to accept a steak. This won't do.

The other option is splitting the check (me paying for him is not on the table. Not that women shouldn't pay for men if they want, because I'm all about the feminism. I'm cheap first and empowered second). The problem with splitting the check is now your date thinks you don't like him and just want to be friends. Or at least that's my excuse for not insisting on going halfsies.

The way I plan on dealing with this dilemma is allowing my dates to pay for me and just take the name calling. Yes, I could just split the check, but I'd much rather save my money for some Jimmy Choos. Sticks and stones may break your bones but at least I can afford the hospital bill.

LA is a Gateway Drug

So after spending almost 3 weeks in El Lay, I'm officially hooked. I will say, however, that this place makes me feel like I'm in some sort of alternate universe of my own making.

I'll explain.

For one thing, every time I see a skinny girl wearing a fedora and sunglasses, I automatically think I have run into Lindsay Lohan. I feel the same way in New York City, except it's every time I see a man, I assume he's gay..and in NYC I'm always right (in LA, further investigation reveals it is never Lohan).

In LA, eating frozen yogurt for every meal is acceptable, but only if the name of the fro-yo supplier is catchy or trendy. Bonus points for puns. The yogurt shop "Fro-play" is kind enough to give us our daily fix of the sexual pun, something I've been missing since Sex and the City stopped making new episodes.

Seriously, though, I've gotten out of control with this fro-yo business. "21 Choices" in Pasadena has become my new crack den. Nobody tells you that one of said choices in black tar heroin. When you finally notice you're hooked, it's too late. You can't be blamed, though, because one of the other choices was frosted animal crackers, and those girls behind the counter knew what they were doing when they offered you those samples. 

I also feel like every man you talk to here is some how involved in the biz (that's what we call the entertainment industry for all you people who have real jobs and aren't lucky enough to have a coke problem). The real magic is that even when an unattractive, unemployed guy is shamelessly hitting on you, you can take solace in the fact that he has an uncle who's an agent or a famous sister. And they can also get you a part in their step dad's new movie, so you should definitely, definitely sleep with them. 

And if all this wasn't enough, In N Out is totally yum-nummers! Animal style, y'all!

Delayed Second Post

So, I definitely thought I would be more prompt in my post updating, but apparently that isn't panning out.

Right now I'm sitting in my living room with my chihuahua watching a Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List marathon. How predictable. 

As promised, I have some opinions on some books and movies I'd like to so generously share with you. 

BRUNO: Originally I planned on seeing this movie at Chunky's--a movie theatre that doubles as a restaurant. They serve you food WHILE you watch the movie. Novel idea. I really wanted to see Bruno here because Chunky's encompasses 3 of my favorite things: going out to eat, going to the movies, and drinking in public (had I been allowed to write the score to The Sound of Music, I think My Favorite Things would have turned out very different and very inappropriate).  In the end, I realized that the food at Chunky's is awful so instead I took in some gourmet cuisine from Wendy's and snuck it into a regular movie theatre... but I digress. Overall, I'd say that the movie is definitely worth seeing. I thought it was way better than Borat and the type of movie that no one has ever seen before. Sacha Baron Cohen is probably the most committed actor today. It's one thing to simulate sex acts on a ghostly member of Millie Vanillie (spelling? Can there be a correct spelling of a word that is not in an actual dictionary?) when the other people in the room are in on it, but to be able to do it without breaking in front of someone who's not an actor and thinks you are serious takes a lot more work. Parts of the movie were just there for shock value and really weren't necessary, but most of the movie was just a really genius political/social commentary mostly directed towards homophobia. 

Wow, after all that I think I'm spent..back to Kathy Griffin. Happy Saturday.

First Post, Y'all! Get Excited!

Well, after a long blogging hiatus, I give you my first entry since I deleted my LiveJournal in high school. I hope this new blog will prove to be just as interesting to you, the reader, even with the elements of my teenage angst absent. 

So, what can you expect from my blog? I'll lay it out for you.

1. Things I want to buy/have recently bought. This is due to the fact that at the moment, buying stuff, mostly clothes or shoes, has been one of about a handful of things that have consumed my thoughts during this boring summer.

2. Food. I love food. I guess you could call me a "foodie" if being really passionate about Brownie Batter Blizzards or being sad when you finish a bagel makes you a foodie. On second thought, even if that does make you a foodie, don't call me one. I'll sound like a real d-bag. Anyway, I'll let you know if I've found a great dish or restaurant...and don't be surprised if one of these restaurants ends up being a Wendy's off a particular highway exit that makes their fries above average delicious.

3. My traveling adventures. This is actually misleading, because you're probably thinking these adventures might take place somewhere requiring a passport. Before you get excited, I don't have a passport and my travels this summer include LA and NYC. My efforts to become more cultured will not extend farther than my first trip to In and Out Burger.

4. My take on books, movies, and tv. For the record, I've watched 6 episodes of Arrested Development on Hulu today. More on that later.

5. My general musings on life.

There's my little crash course on my new blog. I'll end it here tonight as to not to overload you. Just take it all in.

'til next time!